Taco Bell's New Breakfast Review

Perhaps I am a sucker for novelty, or maybe I have a deep-seated masochistic urge to punish myself. Either way, I made the choice to visit Taco Bell this morning to taste their new breakfast lineup.

As I entered the nearly empty lobby, an eager Taco Bell cashier pleasantly greeted me. She was very helpful in recommending some of the new menu additions, declaring that they were “delicious.” Since I had no reason to not believe her, I ordered everything she recommended except for one item—the “waffle taco.” Just looking at the mugshot of this beast on the overhead menu made me feel uneasy.

I sat, patiently waiting for my breakfast. As I waited, I overheard the manager talking to another employee. “Yesterday’s opening was awesome. We set records man. But so far, it looks like today is going to be the total opposite. I wonder why?”

I can tell you why. It only took one day for most people to realize that eating breakfast at Taco Bell is not a good idea.

When my food came out, it looked like a typical fast-food breakfast. I tried the bacon-filled A.M. Crunchwrap® first. It looked like a Mini-Me version of the standard Crunchwrap Supreme®. It was filled with fluffy eggs (or an egg-like substance) and bacon crumbles (like the salad topping Bacon Bits), all sitting on top of a hash brown. The highlight of this unique breakfast sandwich is the fact that some of the bacon bit-like pieces in this concoction were crunchy, instead of the industry standard “floppy” undercooked bacon. The rest of the bacon pieces, the non-crunchy ones, were chewy…like tender beef jerky. Needless to say, I was not impressed with the A.M. Crunchwrap®.

Little did I know, I should have stopped there…

Next up was the Bacon Breakfast Burrito. Okay, time for the big guns. This is Taco Bell after all; they should know how to make a burrito, right? Wrong. The burrito was worse than the wrap. I hadn’t realized at the time, but most of the flavor from the Crunchwrap® came from the grilled tortilla. The burrito was not grilled, its tortilla was sad. It must have been crying--realizing it’s terrible taste was about to be realized--because it was soggy, limp, and tasteless.

Come on Taco Bell, I’ve hated Tofu that tasted better than this!

To sum it all up, the absolute best part of this meal was the drink, a bottle of Aquafina, which is really just tap water.

Save your money, and your taste buds. If you’re thinking about heading to Taco Bell for breakfast, stop. Have a glass of water and find another way to punish yourself.