Perhaps I am a sucker for novelty, or maybe I have a
deep-seated masochistic urge to punish myself. Either way, I made the choice to
visit Taco Bell this morning to taste their new breakfast lineup.
As I entered the nearly empty lobby, an eager Taco Bell
cashier pleasantly greeted me. She was very helpful in recommending some of the
new menu additions, declaring that they were “delicious.” Since I had no reason
to not believe her, I ordered everything she recommended except for one
item—the “waffle taco.” Just looking at the mugshot of this beast on the
overhead menu made me feel uneasy.
I sat, patiently waiting for my breakfast. As I waited, I
overheard the manager talking to another employee. “Yesterday’s opening was
awesome. We set records man. But so far, it looks like today is going to be the
total opposite. I wonder why?”
I can tell you why. It only took one day for most people to
realize that eating breakfast at Taco Bell is not a good idea.
When my food came out, it looked like a typical fast-food
breakfast. I tried the bacon-filled A.M. Crunchwrap® first. It looked like a
Mini-Me version of the standard Crunchwrap Supreme®. It was filled with fluffy
eggs (or an egg-like substance) and bacon crumbles (like the salad topping
Bacon Bits), all sitting on top of a hash brown. The highlight of this unique
breakfast sandwich is the fact that some of the bacon bit-like pieces in this
concoction were crunchy, instead of the industry standard “floppy” undercooked
bacon. The rest of the bacon pieces, the non-crunchy ones, were chewy…like
tender beef jerky. Needless to say, I was not impressed with the A.M.
Crunchwrap®.
Little did I know, I should have stopped there…
Next up was the Bacon Breakfast Burrito. Okay, time for the
big guns. This is Taco Bell after all; they should know how to make a burrito,
right? Wrong. The burrito was worse than the wrap. I hadn’t realized at the
time, but most of the flavor from the Crunchwrap® came from the grilled
tortilla. The burrito was not grilled, its tortilla was sad. It must have been
crying--realizing it’s terrible taste was about to be realized--because it was
soggy, limp, and tasteless.
Come on Taco Bell, I’ve hated Tofu that tasted better than
this!
To sum it all up, the absolute best part of this meal was
the drink, a bottle of Aquafina, which is really just tap water.
Save your money, and your taste buds. If you’re thinking
about heading to Taco Bell for breakfast, stop. Have a glass of water and find
another way to punish yourself.
